Concerning Hobbits

So, in preparation for what will undoubtedly be a class so cool our insignificant human minds may not be able to comprehend it, and may pop from the effort, resulting in a fine film of Sara and Lori head-goosh on everything within proximity of...

All right, I forgot what I was talking about...

Right! In preparation for the super awesome funness that will be next semester's Tolkien class, I propose...

A VARIETY OF FUN TOLKIEN ACTIVITIES!

First, pin the tail on the Balrog! (Not recommended for children under 13.)

Ahem, I kid. Really, though, I think this is the perfect opportunity to drag out the Tolkien Quiz Book. Yes, that source of joy and of shame... I'll post the first two, or three, or seven, whatever. Feel free to answer one, or none, or all. Whatever. :D

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That Blasted Tolkien Quiz Book

Quiz One: Let There Be Light

Starter. Who gave Bilbo Baggins riddles in the dark?

One. What were Illuin and Ormal?

Two. Which respective Maiar guided the Sun and the Moon?

Three. What were collected in the Wells of Varda?

Four. How did Sam pass the Two Watchers of Cirith Ungol?

Five. Who did Frodo see in a dream with the Moon shining in his hair?

Six. What did the setting sun of Durin's Day reveal to Bilbo?

Seven. Who sailed the heavens with the Silmaril upon his brow?

Eight. Who was the Lady of the Stars?

Nine. Who were the Moriquendi?

Ten. Where was the Rath Celerdain, and what did it mean?

Tie Break. What city stood in Calacirya, the Pass of Light?

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Quiz Two: Concerning Hobbits

Starter. How many hobbits joined the Fellowship of the Ring?

One. Who was Bilbo Baggins' mother?

Two. According to Hobbit records, who were the only hobbits to surpass Bullroarer in height?

Three. Name the three strains of hobbits.

Four. Who first cultivated pipe-weed?

Five. By which name were hobbits known in the Grey-elves tongue?

Six. Which hobbit first discovered the One Ring?

Seven. Where were hobbits said to have lived before they settled in the Shire?

Eight. What colours were hobbits notably fond of?

Nine. Which hobbit-clan had a reputation for adventurousness even before Bilbo's adventures?

Ten. Which famous hobbit compiled 'Herblore of the Shire', the 'Reckoning of Years' and the treatise 'Old Words and Names in the Shire'

Tie Break. How many hobbits climbed Mount Doom?

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Quiz Three: Bilbo Baggins

Starter. Wht was the name of Bilbo's home?

One. Who was Bilbo's maternal grandfather?

Two. What phrase did he use for a lot of things?

Three. At what time was Bilbo expected to be at the 'Green Dragon'?

Four. What couldn't Bilbo do any more than fly like a bat?

Five. How did Bilbo know that Sting was an Elvish blade?

Six. What did he mean to say when he squealed "Time! Time!"?

Seven. What did Bilbo spot on the far bank of the black stream?

Eight. Who did he give the Arkenstone to?

Nine. What did Bilbo find was going on when he arrived home?

Ten. What major work of scholarship did Bilbo produce in Rivendell?

Tie Break. Where was Bilbo heading when he passed the Old Took's record for longevity?

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Also, I propose

The Best Mary Sue Fanfiction Ever!

Perfect for stress relief and other such things.

For my first character in what is sure to be an epic series of fanfictions, I propose Frondwen! Princess of the Ents. Born of the unholy union between an elf (those daffy tree-huggers) and an ent. Rumour has it the elf in question is Celeborn -- poor love-starved trophy husband that he is. None of the ents will claim ownership of the abomination of nature, though. (Somehow she's still their princess, despite this.) Our story begins when Frondwen is sent to the Council of Elrond to represent the Ents in this most important of meetings...

"It is the doom of man! DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! DOOM!" Elrond was saying, though no one seemed to be paying him any mind, which was the sensible thing to do, of course.

"The Ring must be destroyed," Gandalf said ominously, and proceeded to give everyone very forboding, spooky looks.

"Yes, yes, of course," nodded Boromir. "OR we could give the Ring to Boromir." Boromir nodded again. "Yes, that's a capital idea!" Boromir agreed with Boromir in a high pitched squeeky voice. "Oh yes, I do think so!" Boromir again agreed, this time in a very deep voice.

"Not only is Aragorn less crazy than Boromir, he's also the King of Gondor." Legolas piped up for no very good reason. "He also has very manly thighs!"

Everyone exchanged uncomfortable glances.

"DOOM!" Chimed Elrond.

"Look, someone's got to do something. If only to get Elrond to stop doing that," said Aragorn.

Naturally, it was at this time that everyone started bickering about what to do with the Ring. Amidst this, one very brave little hobbit stood up, took a deep breath and...

Was nearly run over by the majestic majesty of the gleaming white stallion that bore Frondwen, the Princess of the Ents. All eyes were instantly on the princess, not because she had nearly run over the hobbit, no one really noticed actually, but because she was so startingly beautiful, and terribly gorgeous. And she also had really lovely hair.

Brushing her lush green palm frond bangs from clear green eyes, like pond scum after the rain, Frondwen gracefully swung herself from the side of her majestic horse, Majesty or, more precisely, the entish word for Majesty which is Harumph.

"I SHALL TAKE THE RING!" called Frondwen, and everyone knew that they were saved...

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Wasn't that thrilling? I thought it was thrilling. Postively thrilling.

I think that's quite enough for now, actually. So, until the next burst of insanity...